Changing - Feb 14, 2025

This will probably be a stream of consciousness, from me to you.

When I started taking E a little over 3 month ago, I was honestly pretty doubtful about how much would change. I definitely didn't go about it the most normal, or hell even the safest way, but I felt like I needed to do it regardless. One reasonable doubt is that it wouldn't do too much. It has done quite a bit, slow as it may be, but I don't look too different from where I started. Different enough, though, that I feel like it is my own body for the first time.

One doubt I was wrong about though was that E wouldn't save my life. It'd be a lot more accurate to say that it alone wouldn't, but I think back to about a year ago. The depression I suffered was like a veil, obscuring what was in front of me, causing thoughts of ending things echoing against it and reflecting back at me over and over again. That pain, and the desperation I felt to try to get rid of it led me to act short-sighted. That depression did ease up later in the year, and thankfully I'm still here, but like it had many times before, it'd return.

It didn't though. For once, I feel